There is a truth in the sand,
in the dunes,
and the rising sun.
The blistering sting of billions of particles of star dust,
caught on the wind in ominous billows.
Oases are few and rare,
tempting one to stay and rest for a while.
But I must journey on past these little human,
indulgences.
There is something calling me,
ridding my life of things I once held dear.
The void, Kali, the dark night that can be felt.
In me, through me, all around me.
40 days here. 40 nights there.
A mountain top, another sand dune,
A wave of emotion and tears.
Those tears,
Quenching my aching heart.
I need this,
Release.
The Divine is black as night,
And bright as a thousand blazing suns.
I burn...
Oh, God, you burn!
When I asked for more,
To see more, to know more,
This was not what I could have expected.
The seer in the former land spoke plainly,
”You can not know the heights of joy and bliss and love,
without also knowing the depths of despair,
shame, fear, and loss.”
I have crawled into myself on the cold, dark, ground,
at night, broken.
Trembling in fear beyond my controlling.
A lone voice crying out…
I am sorry for what I’ve done,
And where I brought us.
My heart might burst,
If my lungs forget the sweet inhale.
Keep breathing…
Even if it hurts.
The Universe is vast,
The voluptuous belly of Ganesha.
Removing all my obstacles, my chains, my walls,
One by one.
I was a slave once.
I mustn’t be now.
The Buddha laughs.
This hurts like hell.
Like heaven.
What’s the difference when to get to freedom,
You must crawl for a thousand miles,
Writhing out of your own skin.
The serpent speaks mysteries and portents,
Wisdom, and offerings of what could be:
Magic, knowledge, philosophies of ancient days,
Things long ago forgotten.
The Christ interrupts,
”Unless you die, you shall never live.”
”Unless the seed is destroyed,
Never shall it root.”
”Lose your life, and find it.”
I have been looking in all the wrong places…
The space within is as eternal as the space beyond.
But don’t we all do that,
Until we glimpse a re-membering of who we really are?
All the Gods and Goddesses of Heaven and Earth,
Are one!
They stand on every mountain top before me.
In every grain of sand.
The heat escaping from the binds of the desert floor.
In the sky above, and the vultures’ call.
Death.
Life.
There is no difference.
The ouroboros swallowing its own tail.
We shall live forever.
There is no end.
No end is, there.
What are you running so fast towards?
There is no there.
Many companions have left.
The sand was too hot for their tender feet.
The sun too persistent for their parched tongues.
They bid me farewell, but could not stay.
I must walk this road alone.
And yet, I am never alone.
All is with me.
I am all there is.
And all there is,
Is me.
God is a black, dark, mother.
Giving wretched birth to divine life,
And consuming back into herself all,
In the course of time.
She has me in her grips.
And yet, love beyond imagining.
All is one, joy and despair,
Light and dark.
Here…
and there.
The Gurudevas teach that I’ve spent too much time,
Identifying without.
Look within. Look within. Look within. Look within.
The light you seek,
Within.
The love,
Within.
The ecstasy, bliss, and freedom,
Within.
They admonish sincere effort…
May I be Arjuna.
May I be David.
May I be Joshua.
May I be Divine child of Shakti and Shiva.
Sophia and Dharma.
May I see all that is,
Within myself.
On the threshing floor of this shifting sand.
May I live again, and again, and again.
I cry out to all who hear me.
Please show kindness and grace and tenderness,
In my passing.
I shall not be here long.
The Promised Land is within,
And always has been.
All I want…
Is to see you…
See myself
And as Thomas once said,
”Though lovers me lost,
Love shall not.
And death shall have no dominion.”
With every hello, a goodbye.
And goodbye, hello.
No bars shall hold me,
If inside I am all there is.
Oh, God, you have taken me,
And plunged me into the depths.
I enter eremos to find you,
To find myself.
As you have promised me and my ancestors before,
Do not leave me now.
So Hum. So Hum. So Hum.
I am that. I am that. I am that.
Om Shanti Shanti Shanti