"Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you
can understand."
- William Butler Yeats's "Stolen Child"
It has taken me several days to figure out what I needed emotionally, physically, intellectually, and spiritually around Orlando. Spirit has been urging me (as a form of process) to put voice to what I am feeling. This post is not meant to be the be-all-end-all of opinions or perspectives about Orlando or any other topic herein addressed.
I've been processing so many things - as a black person, as a gay person, as a historical follower of Christ, as a former Christian who had once preached against gays and now is out and in a loving relationship, as a man who has both African and Native American blood flowing through my veins, a man who's ancestors truly endured grave and unspeakable horrors and atrocities without ever losing their heart song, as an American living in an age of gun ownership zeal, as a human in the age of "The war on terror," as a spiritualist and prophetic voice who's incessant objectivity only complicates even the simplest of situations with the inability to see things through a dualistic lense, as a sex and intimacy coach who's mission is to help people heal the shame, guilt, fear, and judgment they carry in their bodies, and now as a licensed minister who's soul-purpose is to help lead as many as I can to a higher state of consciousness and healing.
Mankind is a very old creature and it would appear, from our vantage point, that at the beginning of the 21st century, with all the calamity worldwide, we have not made progress.
But we have and will continue to do so.
After waking to the news and the subsequent days following, I have found myself in a state of anger. I was not angry because of what seemed to be a senseless massacre in a gay bar in Orlando by a potential Muslim ISIS/ISIL sympathizer and potential closeted gay man. At first my anger was against the "victims," the LGBT community at large. Scrolling through my Facebook feed all I could feel was not sadness for the lives lost, but deep disappointment at what seemed to be the larger missed message. You see, I was struck by how the queer community seemingly made this entire incident about their community and their's alone. Granted, this incident happened within their community but this singular incident came with a long bloody trail of previous atrocities and was far more complicated and complex and nuanced than someone just wanting to kill queers (even that idea is an oversimplification). I kept feeling that this point had been lost.
I have been afraid for several days to voice my perspective due to fear that others would label me a heretic, unsympathetic to the LGBT civil rights cause, or deem me as one suffering from his own version of internalized homophobia. From experience, I have been the brunt of these accusations before. And it's because of the sheer potential of this misunderstanding, I have failed to write. Until now.
My heart can no longer stay silent.
Intersecting Venns
Please do not misunderstand me. What happened in Orlando is truly a sad and heartbreaking incident. I am not diminishing that fact. And this also is not the entire story. This incident has really done nothing more than galvanize and loop another community of people into the shared experimental crucible we are ALL creating together. And whether we realize it or not, this crucible has a purpose, to drive us all into deeper consciousness - to finally WAKE UP! In my opinion, this incident has showcased the messy intersectional drama we have created; one in which, soon, NONE of us will be able to escape. The LGBT community is just the latest to be roped into the drama.
Like a venn diagram, Orlando saw the colliding of many forces and elements: an already sensitive and hyper vigilant marginalized community, an international "war on terror" and ISIS/ISIL's vision of killing all infidels (both sides having been inflamed to almost Crusaderesque fervor since 9/11, 15 years prior), the ideal of American exceptionalism, the ongoing American debate on the second amendment in light of an unceasing string of mass shootings from schools to churches to malls to theaters to college campuses to bars, staunchly debilitating and destructive religious views (Christian and Muslim) on homosexuality and sexual conduct and protocol that leads to the psychological shame, guilt, and fear that often precipitates into the death of the "guilty" by suicide, mental anguish, or as we saw a few days ago, the death of other "guilty" parties. And if that were not enough (or oversimplified), news is coming out that the shooter, Omar Mateen, might very well have been one of the LGBT community's lost children. This begs further inquiry and introspection on how we, as a community who espouse love for all, actually might not be so great at loving, at all! Do we TRULY love each other as we say we should love each other or are we doing nothing more than giving lip service to an ideal that we really are incapable of exercising? Are we at all capable of loving and taking care of our own? I believe we are all capable, but are we also willing?
Needless to say, Orlando was and is a compendium of errors! Or was it?
Anger and Disappointment!
(I could launch into a debate about "privilege" and "narrative" but I have come to hate the current usage of these two words. I find these words are overused to the point of oversimplifying situations that should never be so casually and cavalierly distilled into bite-size mental and emotional exercises. I don't think these words truly encapsulate the complexity and nuance of situations and they certainty fail miserably here. I will not be using them.)
Another reason I have found myself angered by the mass outpouring of sympathy for those lives lost is due to the accepted negligence and ignorance (the state of ignoring) of those in other parts of the country and the world who are dying everyday. For example, candles and vigils were held worldwide for 49 people who died in a club at the hands of a lone shooter. Yet, there are thousands of refugees who are fleeing their homes in Syria because their cities are completely decimated by war. Children and other refugees are drowning in too large numbers in the Mediterranean Sea just to find a safe haven from war and destruction. I find it highly disingenuous and almost disgusting to have massive world-wide vigils and mourning for a 1-off shooting of 49 folks when thousands are fleeing and dying to find safe haven. Where are their candles, their vigils, their marches? Who's speaking for them?
WHERE ARE THEIR ALLIES?!
Make no mistake, the outpouring of love and support for the LGBT community has been nothing short of staggering and in this period of time, a huge bastion for the community at large. It is my hope, however, that in the days and weeks to come we realize that NO ONE is safe if even one group of people are in danger. Because after these demons move on from the doorstep of the LGBT community, another community will become ground zero. My hope is that as more and more groups get tangled in this global experimental crucible, that we realize we are all the same. Unfortunately, it might continue to take further calamity for us to get there. But get there we must.
Something old, something bold!
I believe that Love spares no expense in seeking and saving even one lost sheep, of which Omar Mateen was one. We demonize perpetrators of violence when all too often it is those who, in their pain and anguish and hate, need the greatest outpouring of love and compassion, not judgment and ridicule. Many of us will hate and despise Omar, but Omar is still part of us. He is what happens when fear takes hold of a person and snuffs out any vestige of love and hope.
Last night as I began to pen these words, I was overcome with such a deep sense of love and compassion for Omar. He is, as Jesus the Master is said to have parabolically stated, "a lost sheep," "a coin of great value," "a prodigal son." In each parable of the lost sheep or coin of great value, the owner went to great lengths to rescue and recover that prized item. In the parable of the Prodigal Son, the father longed and yearned for the return of his son who, in ignorance (the state of not knowing the fullness of truth and reality), delusion, and unconscious longing, squandered his inheritance and eventually brought his life to naught.
You can not give what you do not have. And Omar did not know love. He apparently didn't know it from his religion, his family, other queers, or himself. And as I sat on my couch last night my heart brought me to tears with the desire that wherever his soul is now, that the love of God would cover him so completely. That the power of this pure love would heal him, transform him, and show him the truth of his connection to Spirit and to all things. That he would know fully and completely that his actions on Earth were manifestations and consequences of years of fear, shame, guilt, and judgment. This is my highest and purest hope and prayer for Omar - that he would know love beyond anything he ever experienced here.
And it is now my highest and purest hope for all of us.
Please understand that we are ALL in this crucible, we are ALL in this fire together. And as painful as it is to imagine, and as controversial it is to say, more people will pay the highest price before we as a species finally wake up enough to turn the tide of fear. Orlando is just one more brick on the road towards our eventual awakening. There will be others laid but it is my greatest belief that all this pain will eventually end. Greater consciousness, in my opinion, is inevitable regardless how long it takes.
But it starts, ends, and is sustained only by love - the greatest, the oldest, and most creative force in the universe. Every spiritual master has preached it, followed it, and lived by it. There is no one philosophy, religion, or belief in all of time which has proprietorship of love. It stands alone. It stands unique. And in the end, it will be the only thing left standing.
Love is the only constant!
In a week, two weeks, three weeks, a month from now, will we still be expressing love and unity? Orlando will be used (and is being used) to further agendas worldwide on all sides of the fence. The President, political candidates, legislatures, the LGBT community, the United Nations, world religions and pontificates, the NRA, Constitutionalists, and world leaders are all using this incident to galvanize whatever movement they are supporting. And although much might be brought to light and much good done (or not), will we have moved towards more love for ourselves and each other? Will we finally start to see that we are all in this together; that what happens to one, happens to all. That the victims of atrocities aren't the only ones in need of our prayers, support, and love but our enemies as well- those who curse us, maim us, kill us.
Only love is capable of turning an enemy into a friend. Only love is capable of ending our wars. And only love can bring peace to our individual souls, our relationships, our communities, and our world.
So yes, grieve. Mourn. Vigil. Light candles. Pray. Do the next indicated step towards safety. And when that is over, when the dust has settled, when the world has again careened into its next headlined catastrophe, LOVE! And don't stop loving!
And don't stop loving!
And don't stop loving!